As the US population continues to age, tens of millions are called on to support their aging loved ones, with the CDC finding that the number of US adults caring for a friend or family member has risen to 22.3%. With a third of these caregivers devoting over 20 hours each week and over half offering care for longer than two years, it is no wonder that many become exhausted, overwhelmed, and burnt out.
Asha Tarry, a three-time caregiver, mental health practitioner, and founder of Care for Caregivers, has a heart for the well-being of this growing population. Her all-new caregiver manual entitled “The Caregiver Self-Care Manual: Essential Strategies for the Overworked, Overperforming Caregiver to an Adult Living with Depression, Dementia, or Another Mental Illness” equips new caregivers to guard their mental health with a deep dive into practical topics such as respite care, legal obligations, and financial planning.
“I would never want anyone to do this job alone,” Tarry says. “Take time to seek support and guidance. Staying proactive and well informed is the best way to ensure your loved one’s safety and to protect your own interests.”
Understanding aging adults
Tarry opens her manual by empowering caregivers to understand the aging process. Though this natural stage of life affects everyone differently, caregivers can learn to watch for and recognize the changes that come with aging and provide necessary support.
Decreased muscle mass, changes in vision and hearing, and decreased bone density are physical issues that often impact an aging individual’s ability to perform daily tasks. Tarry details how these changes necessitate adjustments in the care recipient’s normal routine.
“As a caregiver, notice where your care recipient needs assistance,” Tarry advises. “Watch closely when your loved one is getting out of bed, eating a meal, or walking. If they experience pain or discomfort in these everyday tasks, it could be time to encourage them to speak with their physician. These conversations are not easy, but they are absolutely necessary for both you and your loved one’s well-being.”
Tarry also prepares caregivers for the cognitive, emotional, and psychological changes in store, informing them to watch for changes in memory, reasoning, and decision-making, as well as feelings of loneliness, isolation, sadness, or anxiety. She advises caregivers to observe their loved one’s mood in their usual surroundings and when they go out. If they seem nervous before going to an appointment, overly concerned with their appearance, or repeatedly ask the same questions about upcoming events, they may be dealing with anxiety issues. If they stay in bed longer, seem picky about small details, stop doing things they once enjoyed, or become less concerned with hygiene or medical recommendations, they could be dealing with depression.
“Encouraging social activities, hobbies, and regular communication with friends and family can significantly improve your loved one’s mental well-being,” Tarry remarks. “Seeking professional help from a social worker, therapist, or coach may also be beneficial. Addressing these changes in the early stages of caregiving helps your aging loved one maintain a high quality of life and as much independence as possible.”
Self-care for caregivers
In light of the physical, emotional, and financial demands accompanying caregiving, Tarry spends much of her manual demonstrating how caregivers can prioritize their health and well-being. Her strategies for setting boundaries, seeking support, and carving out time to recharge are intended to give caregivers the physical and emotional stamina they need to provide the very best care.
“I consider radical self-care as an act of deep appreciation for oneself,” explains Tarry. “This mindset entails doing things like not explaining your ‘no’ or going above the call of duty to prove your worthiness and love. It enables you to release your guilt, accept the things you cannot change, and let go of what you cannot control.”
In Tarry’s opinion, radical self-care for caregivers starts with setting boundaries, which allows caregivers to establish limits and express what they can realistically do for their loved ones. Though these healthy conversations may be difficult, they prevent resentment and burnout in the long run.
Tarry also believes that radical self-care involves taking time for yourself. “Caregiving is a demanding and stressful role,” she explains, “so carve out time in your schedule for activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Whether you read a book, take a nap, or go for a run, those tiny moments of radical self-care are the experiences that enable you to recharge and refuel.”
Finally, Tarry uses her manual to detail practical ways caregivers can prioritize their own mental and physical well-being, as they may feel selfish eating nutritious meals, exercising outdoors, spending time with friends, attending medical appointments, and getting a good night’s sleep. However, she urges them to realize that this is the best way to cope with the demands of caregiving and reduce the risk of burnout.
“This e-book is filled with actionable tips and resources to guide you in your dynamic new role,” concludes Tarry. “Caregiving is a winding journey of self-discovery that few undertake by choice. Now that you are on this path, don’t try to walk it alone! Others have gone before you, so let us help you best care for your loved one and yourself.”
