Fadia Ahmad is an award-winning artist, photographer, and director. Her most recent project, “Beirut, the Aftermath” has been met with widespread acclaim during this year’s international film festival season. I had the pleasure of sitting with Ahmad to discuss her film, its significance, and what lies ahead for the Lebanese artist.
You received widespread recognition for your photography series “Beirut | Beyrouth”. How did this project lead you to pick up your camera once again, this time filming “Beirut, the Aftermath”?
So, when the 4th of August happened, I had only been away for 72 hours. I had planned to travel to Spain on August 8th, but on August 1st I woke up panicked with anxiety. I told my husband I was not feeling well, and I should leave as soon as possible to get away and to heal, as my sister had passed away on July 4th. So, I left. On August 4 I was on the corniche in Alicante, going for a run, trying to get back to normal life after grieving my sister. While on my run, the explosion happened. My daughter called me screaming and crying. She told me there was a massive explosion in Beirut, the entire city had collapsed, and she thought there could barely be survivors. I collapsed in what felt like an apocalyptic moment, because in my imagination, it was the whole world collapsing.
I don’t need to tell you my house was severely damaged. Thank God no-one in my family was hurt, but still, in the days following the explosion, I found it very hard for me because I had this survivor’s guilt and a deep sorrow. I could barely get out of bed. I was crying all the time. I was angry because I had told myself to go away while many innocent people died. Many of them were young, even babies. How could this happen?
I started receiving emails from people from all around the world that had come to the “Beirut | Beyrouth” exhibition and had the book. They sent me emails making sure that I was alive, telling me how sorry they were about what happened. Many of them, in these emails, said that your book is no longer an art book, it’s also now a history book, because they knew that most of the photos I had taken were from Mar Mikhael and Gemmayze, which were almost completely destroyed. This led me to tell myself that if I survived, and if I’m alive today, I have a duty to the victims, the country, to my city, to the people that were wounded. So many lost their arms, their legs, their eyes, the scars that they have on their bodies. For us, history stops at independence. Nobody agrees on one scenario so there’s no history book.
This forced me to make a documentary about the aftermath, about what happened to Beirut, to its people, and the psychological impact of this explosion. We all saw, worldwide, the headlines. We saw the explosion. We knew how many people died, were wounded, injured, and became homeless. But what people could not see is the psychological impact that his explosion had left on its people, on its city, and it will take decades before that starts to go away. This is how I picked up my camera once again, came back to Beirut, and made this documentary.
In that sense, “Beirut, the Aftermath” is almost a follow up, or a part two of the “Beirut | Beyrouth” series, covering the same locations and streets. How has working on both of these projects changed your relationship with the city?
As you said “Beirut | Beyrouth” was an exhibition, and a book was also born after this project. This was a reconciliation with my identity, with my roots, and with myself as a human being. I needed to know “Where do I belong?” Finally, after I had reconciled with my country, and with my city, and with my roots, the explosion happened. It was important for me to merge image and sound, and make a documentary. The second project is more about the duty I had to my country, to my people, and especially to Beirut, because she was the one who was hurt. So, it was for me, since I felt this need to give the message to the world and to the future. To keep a trace of what happened. [It was] very important to do this and to accomplish that duty.
You briefly mentioned your own survivor’s guilt. As a resident, not just of Beirut, but specifically of this smaller area within the city, what was the hardest part for you, personally, in translating the experiences of other survivors into a documentary format?
It was very hard for me. With every story I listened to and every person I came across, I found myself absorbing their pain and their suffering. Every story was my story and every voice, for me, was important enough to be heard. At the end of the documentary, I really felt burnt out. When the documentary was over and I started running the festivals, I went through a very difficult time and it felt as if I was grieving all over again. Every single day I had to be reliving the August 4th explosion until I finished the documentary. The same goes for the crew that was filming this with me. They were actually very grateful because, as they told me, it became a way for them to face this trauma that we had all lived. It was like therapy for them, a way forward and into the healing process that they have to go through for themselves and for their families.
Although the film has had a wonderful international festival run, it recently premiered in Beirut. What was it like to host an event in the city that is the inspiration for and the subject of the film? How was that experience different for you as an artist?
If it had come to me, I wouldn’t have shown the film this early in my city. As I told you, healing is a very long process and people are still trying to get over what happened. Deep inside many did not forget, they did not heal. But, the crew and all the people that were involved in this film, all the people that testified in this film, were always telling me they needed to see it. They needed to see the result of all this documentary. They had been hearing so much about it and needed to see it.
I decided to do a private screening for all these people. It was amazing. It was amazing in such a way that, for 46 minutes, no one was speaking. There was complete silence. When the film ended, nobody could speak a word. No one. And these people sent me messages afterwards that I will cherish forever in my heart. They told me that what I did was a complete success because the work and the aim of the documentary reached into everyone’s hearts and soul. It was like something I’ve never witnessed before.
It was important for me that this documentary would not show blood, would not show violence or shocking images. What is shocking is to see the details of the destruction. What is shocking is to hear the emotion of the people. What is shocking is to feel that a whole city, a whole history, and a whole past has been destroyed.
The festival season isn’t over yet. Can you tell us what’s next for “Beirut, the Aftermath”?
The festivals are still ongoing. We had so much recognition and were very grateful for that. Our voice has been heard and this is the most amazing thing we could have, because then the Lebanese diaspora and the international scene might, even if we say maybe just maybe, try to fight for justice with us, hand in hand. The more the merrier. Since we still don’t have any accountability or any justice, we cannot heal completely.
I know that involving the diaspora in politics is becoming more of a hot topic recently here in Lebanon. Do you think that this documentary is serving to bring people who are part of the Lebanese diaspora back into Lebanese politics?
Very much so. In some ways the Lebanese diaspora is even more affected than those that were here. When you’ve gone through the pain and you’ve lived through the story and trauma, it’s one thing. But when you live the same from miles and miles away, living it through your family’s story or through your friends’ story, it can be even harder, because you’re away, you feel helpless, and you’re not in the core of the action. You would do anything just to be able to do something to help your parents and your country, but you don’t know what to do. There’s this awareness for each and every person who lives overseas.
Not only have you worked to advocate for the voices of the Lebanese who were affected by August 4th, but you’ve also been a longtime advocate for the Lebanese arts and artists. We’ve recently heard that you participated as a judge for season two of World Art Collector Incubator project. Can you tell us more about this organization and the Incubator project?
As a contemporary artist, I know as a matter of fact that each and every one of us, even the most famous and prominent artists in the world, have started from nothing. I know how hard it is for emerging artists to make their work be seen, especially in this difficult moment that we are living in. As a judge in the World Art Collector Incubator, it was a great honor for me to give a voice to all the artists that nobody knows yet, or that have vulnerabilities due to the situation we’re living in. Mr. Fadi Melas, an amazing advocate for the art scene in Lebanon and its artists, gave us a spark in our darkest moment. He created this beautiful initiative, the World Art Collector Incubator. Myself, Dr. Bassam Kyrillos, and painter Silwan Ibrahim were chosen as the jury. The winner of the season becomes a member of the World Art Collector collection. Even those who don’t win get visibility. We embrace them. We give them opportunities. We try to guide them and put them out in the art scene in the best way possible.
How did you enjoy your role as a judge? Do you see yourself doing more work like this in the future?
As I said, it’s an honor for me to be chosen as a member of the jury. It’s a very big responsibility and it’s not easy, because sometimes you have outstanding artists and you are faced with the obligation to choose. It’s an enormous responsibility and we have to do it in a way that’s fair to everyone, in a way that’s just. Art, by definition, is subjective. So being a jury member you have to try to forget about your subjectivity and be as objective as possible in order to not fall into a channel that you are more sensitive to. It’s a big responsibility but an incredible honor as well.
You’ve had quite a busy year. You can tell us what you’ve learned through these experiences and what’s next for Fadia Ahmad?
Carpe Diem. This is what I’ve learned. I’ve learned that we need to try to live each moment the best we can. I learned, even more, how attached I am to my country and to my people. I’ve learned that unity is our biggest strength. I’ve learned that as long as we define ourselves as Lebanese and fight for Lebanon, not for a political party, we will forever be strong, and we will forever be ahead. But the biggest lesson would be humanity, understanding that humanity is above everything else. We need to remember this quality within each and every one of us, because ultimately this is what remains.
And what’s next for you, what do you have planned for the future?
I have a few auctions coming. In December I will be going to the U.S. where I will be exhibiting and screening my film, “Beirut, the Aftermath”, on one of the biggest screens in the world at the Peoria Riverfront Museum. Of course, I have so many upcoming projects that are still in the shade because it’s not the right moment to bring them out yet. But I can’t wait to show you all bits and pieces of artworks outside of the two projects we’ve discussed. I have so many other projects that I’m waiting for the right moment to launch.
Learn more about Fadia Ahmad’s story and her artwork on her website: https://www.fadiaahmad.com/
