A quick Google search of the word “Tantra” would have a beginner assuming it can be wholly interchanged with “tantric intimacy”, when in fact, the latter is only a subset of the former. Tantric practices and lineages have been around for over 7,000 years and represent an entire philosophy promoting holistic wellness by tapping into a conscious state of personal awareness. Tantra seeks to facilitate an innate sense of expansion and liberation which can be experienced physically, emotionally, and spiritually, and is characterized by mental freedom, emotional clarity, and a heightened sense of self-awareness. Tantra is designed to take the person from “I” consciousness to “we or unity” consciousness.
Tantra is a way of life and may be practiced perfectly either solo or with a partner. Red tantra encourages practices designed to ignite higher states of physical intimacy as some of the foremost ways of tapping into tantric potential.
For many men, emotional disconnection is the foundation from which a sense of failure, disappointment, and frustration emanate and begin to erode the core of their intimate relationships. This often leads to anger, resentment, and a loss of joy, fulfillment, and purpose in life. The sense of dissatisfaction between the desired and the achieved may spill over into other aspects of his life, affecting his physical health, emotional stability, self-esteem, and confidence.
Keying into the tenets of Tantra may provide the impetus to upgrade a man’s ability to “live his best life”, in every sense of the phrase, and below is a comprehensive guide to finding your way.
Explore yourself. Identify your polarity.
Self-exploration isn’t just about learning to be free with your body and identifying your pleasure points – this is part of it, but not all of it. It is defined by the only journey that really counts … the journey inwards.
Polarity is the concept of opposing poles in human interactions, just as attraction occurs in metals when negative and positive atoms connect. The south and north poles in Tantra are referred to as Masculine/Feminine or Male/Female, Alpha/Omega. These poles apply to a person irrespective of their gender as we all have both.
“Understanding Polarity affords you energetic agility and the wisdom to understand the dynamic of what is happening between you and your partner in each moment,” says Bella Maree Lane, an Australian Tantric Heart Wound Healer and Tantric conscious intimacy expert. “This enables you to create intimate electricity and ignite the flame of desire at a whim. If two people are inhabiting the same polarity at the same time, there will be no ‘arc of attraction.” There may be commonality, friendship, mutuality, and cooperation but no sexual attraction.
Your polarity may be either predominantly masculine or feminine in intimate relating and change from life experience to life experience, and learning to identify your moment-to-moment polarity starts with a journey of self-knowledge. You must be honest with yourself regarding your true desires and not what society or your partner may expect or demand. If your natural inclination is to lead and take charge of the romantic process, your polarity is more masculine/alpha inclined. if however you prefer and enjoy the adventure of someone else leading, you are enjoying the feminine energy resonance. This can change from experience to experience and we are not in inescapable boxes, but rather knowing our most prevalent desires helps us determine our polarity preferences. The reason this matters is that it can be used to guide us into choosing appropriate partners who will offer the polarity we need and desire.
Switch up the lifestyle
Behaviors such as excessive drinking, drugs, overuse of prescription medications such as narcotics & sleeping pills, smoking/vaping, or poor personal and environmental hygiene are likely to impede and stall the full extent of your journey. Aside from draining your energy and compromising your physical wellbeing, these behaviors impede and often block your connection with yourself, rendering self-reflection far more challenging.
For many men, these challenges are deep-seated addictions, and the support of a therapist, network, or counselor may be both necessary and a huge benefit in helping you define and realign your values.
“We can break the chain and alter the pattern,” says Lane. “We need to take action and responsibility to be able to forgive ourselves and build a trusting, caring, loving relationship with the person in the mirror.”
Consider some stepping stones:
- Take time to reevaluate the way in which you live and relate. Excessive alcohol, lack of sleep, or a nutritionally insufficient diet make it more challenging to know what it is you truly desire.
- You may begin to incorporate a daily yoga/meditation/exercise regime. Moving your body releases feel-good endorphins which improve your mood, hormones and helps you sleep, restore and regenerate more efficiently.
- Smoking doesn’t just compromise your heart and lungs, but it also affects testosterone levels by increasing the level of carbon monoxide in the body. Smoking is a difficult addiction and there’s no shame in seeking professional support.
- Narcotics, needless to say, are a major problem and interfere with every aspect of your wellness, in particular your emotional and mental health. Admitting you have a problem is step number one. Checking into a licensed rehabilitation facility or signing up with an addiction specialist are two well-respected methods of dealing with this complex issue.
- Taking care of your personal space and body by taking regular baths, wearing fresh clothes each day, and maintaining a clean, organized, well-ventilated home are some of the simplest ways to begin clearing your mental and emotional clutter.
Yoga and Meditation are not clichés
Tantra is geared toward engaging the more subtle energies in your consciousness. It may dramatically enhance your ability to feel, connect, experience, enjoy, and revel in intimate moments. Yoga is one of the most commonly employed methods for penetrating the deeper layers into oneself. Tantric yoga may be practiced solo or with a partner. The point is not to have an agenda but rather to set the stage to embrace whatever arises, moment to moment, and learn to be with that. No need to change anything. It’s about the purity of the moment. No past, no future, fully present right now.
Meditation is a highly effective tool for relieving unnecessary mental stress, trauma, and emotional scars that may be inhibiting or impeding your ability or willingness to connect. Learning to be vulnerable is part of the process. It doesn’t happen on demand but is a process of unfolding.
“When heart wounds are left untreated, they create unconscious, destructive life patterns,” says Lane, who tapped into the benefits of Tantra to heal from her own past trauma and wounds. “The inner work to heal these wounds is key to creating a life of joy, purpose, passion, freedom, and love. We’ve all been scarred by our experiences. The unhealed ‘shadows’ we carry remain with us, informing our subconscious choices and patterns until we finally choose to “wake up” and embark on the inner journey to healing our heart wounds. You deserve to find love, connection, and joy, this is a gift you can give yourself.
Your diet is integral
A healthy, balanced diet designed for male wellness includes foods such as oysters, leafy greens and fresh organic vegetables, water over soda or artificially flavored drinks, Omega-rich fish such as wild salmon, beef, egg yolks, and produce high in zinc and vitamin D. These foods can be used to craft a well-balanced diet that provides your body with all the necessary nutrients for optimum health and all-round wellness. Find what works for your body and follow that. Nutrition is not a one-shoe-fits-all as there are boundless “diets” readily available.
In conclusion, Tantra offers an opportunity to experience the fullness of your humanity by revitalizing the connections between your body, mind, and spirit.
“It’s the doorway to total life-changing intimacy with yourself, your partner, and life,” says Lane, who has been teaching Tantra for over two decades. “There are a lot of people making a lot of noise and promises around ‘healing’. Quick fixes, in my experience, never work. I do not offer a band-aid approach as the effect will be short-lived and not provide true healing. The nature of my work and approach is gentle, deep & profound. It is an unfolding journey of self-discovery.”
